HAVING S-E-X FOR THE FIRST TIME, FOR BOTH OF YOU
For both partners:
HOW DO I HAVE "GOOD" SEX?
What follows is not a set of rules. Rules about sex are impossible–
what should matter is that what you do makes you feel good. And
"feeling good" should last past the sex itself– you should not feel
anxious afterwards about getting her pregnant or catching some
horrible disease, so planning ahead about contraception and safe sex
is part of the idea.
WHAT TIME SHOULD WE HAVE SEX?
When you have sex doesn't really matter. What should matter instead
is that you and your partner have sex when you are both comfortable.
Some people prefer to make love at the break of dawn, some in the
afternoon sun, some in the darkness of night. More important than
time of day is the time you have to spend. Give yourself a lot of
time to have sex the first time. A weekend is ideal, but at least the
whole day, including sleep time.
SHOULD WE EAT OR DRINK ANYTHING BEFORE SEX?
Avoid eating a heavy meal, since that'll just make you sleepy. Eat
light, don't drink too much alcohol, if any at all. It may help you
shed inhibitions, but it may also make his erection much more
difficult to achieve and you want to spend more time in the bedroom
than the bathroom anyway, right?
WHERE SHOULD WE HAVE SEX?
Where you have sex is probably a more important decision. Finding a
place where you both can be private for up to forty-eight hours can
be difficult at that age where most people are planning on losing
their virginity. But it's worth it. Cars are no longer big enough to
have sex in, and the outdoors has less privacy, bugs, sand, and pine
A bed is probably the best thing to make love in, still. Hopefully
you'll have a room to yourself, with all the amenities that a bedroom
affords, including heat, comfort, space, and the bathroom. Take a
shower together! If you're about to have sex, you've probably had
your hands all over each other before now. Get to know each other's
bodies. Take your time. That's what lovemaking is about.
WHAT DO WE NEED TO BRING?
Bring what you need to make you comfortable. Birth control, condoms,
maybe your favorite pillow or a bathrobe.
WHAT DO I DO FIRST?
You can't expect him to know what makes you feel good. You'll have to
tell him or show him, and that may mean taking some of the
initiative, taking his hands and placing them where they make you
feel good. Go slow. If it's his first time, he may well be totally
nervous about what you're about to do, and his penis may not respond
at first. Patience, gentleness, and understanding are required to
bring it back to life, and that may be hard for you to achieve, but
that's why we told you to give yourselves lots of time.
WILL IT HURT?
You have probably heard horror stories about how much losing your
virginity hurts. For a few women, it does, but with the right touch
and the right partner, you should be able to take his penis into your
body without pain. Have him take his time, use a lubricant, and press
his fingers into you, opening you up slowly. Tell him when it feels
good and when it hurts.
WHAT POSITION SHOULD I USE?
Many women prefer to have sex the first time being on top, where they
can control the first entry. Others want to be on the bottom and give
their lovers that control. Choose what's best for you. Just remember
to tell him to go slow, take your time, and if you feel the need, use
a commercial lubricant like KY Jelly.
WHAT IF I CAN'T GET IT UP?
It may sound funny, but your penis, which has worked great for years,
may suddenly go on strike at your first chance at "real" sex. That's
natural– you're nervous. Take a deep breath. Do something else for a
while with your hands, your lips and your tongue. Try to forget about
your anxiety, and your penis will respond. It's only a temporary
SHOULD I TELL HER IF I'M A VIRGIN?
Many men think that because they're men, they should be in charge of
the sex, regardless of who has the more experience. If you're a
virgin and she's not, tell her, and let her lead if she wishes. This
is as much a learning experience as a loving one. Don't be afraid to
confess the truth. A lot of women would rather know that your
fumbling is inexperience, rather than just sheer ineptitude, and will
gratefully show you the ways of the world.
WILL WE COME AT THE SAME TIME?
Don't worry about making orgasm simultaneous, either. Some women do
not orgasm during intercourse, and even if your girlfriend is capable
of climax, the odds are very much against you coming at the same
time. Enjoy yourself, and rely on her to tell you the truth when
she's enjoying herself.
WHAT IF I ORGASM TOO SOON?
If you actually climax much too soon before you wanted to, take your
time, take a nap, and try again. The second time you should be much
more relaxed and ready to take your time– so will your penis.
AM I BIG ENOUGH? TOO BIG? THE RIGHT SHAPE?
Another common concern is size. The average penis is slightly more
than five and a half inches in length when erect, and that's more
than enough to hit every major nerve center in the vagina, the
legendary G-spot included. The vagina is capable of stretching to
take a large penis, or shape itself to pleasure a small one. Size has
very little to do with your ability as a lover.
Another common issue is shape. Some men become concerned because
their penis bends downwards, or to the left, and assume that because
they never see men like them in erotic movies that they're not
normal. Others worry that a downward bend will make sex difficult or
painful because the vagina isn't shaped with that bend in mind.
Keep in mind that sex can be performed in any number of positions.
The penis and vagina can be matched in many different ways, and each
new position can bring new pleasures to you and your partner. Some
people believe that a downward-bending penis is much easier to
perform oral sex upon.
WILL I BE A GOOD LOVER?
Being a good lover doesn't happen automatically. With the right
partner, time, care, and practice, you have everything you need to
become a great lover. Your first times, for both you, will be
fumbling and awkward, but hopefully they'll be the start of great
times for the rest of your lives.